So...I guess that's another Christmas wrapped up, another New Year stumbled over and most of January behind us. It's my last few weeks in Germany and things are different I think. My German is better and worse in places, with my general awareness and understanding improved, but my confidence in speech shaken. I am not sure why. I can hear it and read it and it's great, but I could do with a bit more time actually saying sentences. It's probably to do with a lack of necessity, brought on by my mostly English-speaking friends. Perhaps I should have had a German flatmate.
Regrettably, I can do nothing about it now. Oh, powerlessness: how often we meet.
No, enough of this. I shall not be self-pitying. I shall not. January is for fresh starts and a fresh start I shall have. Fourth year will be great and in my penultimate weeks of my penultimate year I shall embrace whatever ridiculous tasks come before me, and do them with more fervour than I have ever previously employed. Ah crap. Employment. Now she is something I really need to get my head round. I haven't had many jobs, they have never lasted very long and only one have I truly enjoyed. I don't understand it. I think I just struggle with things I can't see a direct benefit to: something immediately pleasant or immediately useful. My inability to fake interest. That's the ticket! In interviews, I physically cannot fake interest! And of course most employers are looking for passion and motivation...which I can regularly lack for positions I am uninterested in. Then there's my moderate self-confidence coupled with general self-motivation difficulties making the whole package startlingly inefficient.
That's at least what I was like last year. Have I changed? Have I found the motivation from somewhere? Have I the self-confidence now?
I'll try it out. See what happens. It's fresh start time after all.
Peace.
